Your pick-up line is a failure just like you.

As I write these words, I’m currently dreaming of my bed, a good book and a cup of strong black tea with a splash of milk in it. That’s the ideal evening for me. Not gonna lie, it’s a little bit sad maybe, but you don’t know how comfortable my bed is (it’s a king size with lots of pillows and a blanket that once held 5 people under it, but not in the way you think). Anyway – today I would like to take you on a journey through the wild world of pick-up lines.

I have been online dating for most of my life. By most I mean almost half. So I do think that I have some qualifications to give my quite professional opinion on the subject. Because I can safely say I have heard most of them. At least all the bad ones (some that still leave shivers running up and down my spine). There are some good ones, but those have come from people I have chatted with for a while, so they are more like compliments if you will.

Okay, I get the whole idea behind a line that might sound like the stupidest sentence ever heard, but when will guys learn – we don’t want to hear any of them. Why ask us if it hurt when we fell from heaven, because we look like angels. Maybe I’m a devilish demon, who has a throne next to devil waiting for her in hell. Or why is it that you think that you’re the 1 we need to become a 10? Just so we’re clear, every single woman in this world is a fucking 10 (and I mean – EVERY SINGLE WOMAN).

But at the end of the day, it’s fun to hear them or read them, because you have to have a certain sense of humour with these types of things. Cause if you don’t, you’re screwed. Life is full of things that we should make fun of and pick-up lines are just another way of keeping us on our toes.

But I leave you with three pick-up lines:

1. The first one is the bad one – “would you like a sauce that will make your belly full for nine months” (the translation might suck a little, but you get the general idea. And just so you know – I never talked to this guy again).
2. The second one is a good one – “you’re like a bottle of champange – you have a tough outside, but inside you’re filled with bubbly goodness” (and yes, I know it was more of a compliment, but knowing what I know, it was the best kind of pick-up line. It was a bummer that he was taken).
3. The third one is the creepy one – “I thought of you when I was having sex with her” (and yes, I know it doesn’t sound like a pick-up line, but at that moment it was and sadly, I fell for it, only because I was drunk and it was my ex)

With love, Kriss