So, today I have a different kind of post. It’s still about relationships and love and all that comes with it, but this time I’m not talking so much about my point of view, but in fact I’ll be telling you why I agree so strongly to the words of a comedian. Yes, you read it right – a comedian.
To give you a little back story – I was working late one day and I like to listen to comedians when I’m working, because listening to music makes me want to sing along and then I can’t get any work done. Anyway, I thought I’d listen to Daniel Sloss Netflix specials – “Dark” and “Jigsaw”. I’ve seen his stuff on YouTube before and I was a fan. Mainly because his sense of humor is like mine (although mine is a tad bit darker). So there I was – working and listening. The first one, “Dark”, was absolutely enjoyable, but way too short. So I started to listen “Jigsaw” and my mind was blown (although life changing sounds better).
“If you’re in a relationship that makes you happy, and that other person makes you happy? Congratulations. Keep that up. But to all the perpetually single people…, the people in relationships they would rather not be in but it’s just to easy to stay in? I mean this – you have to learn to love yourself before you allow someone else to do it as well. If you only love yourself at 20%, that means someone can come along and love you 30% you sit there and go WOW THAT IS SO MUCH! That is literally less than half. Whereas if you love yourself 100%, a person that falls in love with you has to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special. And that is something each and every one of us deserve.”
I’ve always thought there was something wrong with me, because I seriously can’t see myself in a relationship with someone, because I don’t want them to be the reason I change my life around to fit them into it. And that’s what one of the points in “Jigsaw” was – you can’t jam someone into your life the same way you can’t jam a wrong puzzle piece into a place. It doesn’t work like that. And even the little part of me that can’t wait to be in a relationship was like “yeah, relationship is not what we want at the moment”.
Another point that spoke to me on a deeper level was the fact that you have to love yourself 100% before you find someone, because if you don’t love yourself to the fullest, anybody can come along, show you a little bit more love and you’ll be so fucking impressed with them, because it seems like they love you so much, when in fact they don’t love you as much as they should. So love yourself 100% and then when someone comes into your life, they’ll go out of their way to give you the love you deserve from another person.
“From the bottom of my heart, I believe that 80% of relationships in the world, and therefore this room, are horseshit. A bunch of people who never took time to learn how to be alone, therefore never learned how to love themselves, so you employed someone else to do it. Prove me wrong.”
I never really thought about the next point, but when I heard it, I was like “yes, that’s exactly it”. The idea of being lonely and alone is so bad in the eyes of society that we tend to settle with someone we should never be with. And that’s what I have felt for so long. The people in my life are pushing me into finding someone and I hate it, because I know that right at this point in my life I can’t be with someone. I don’t love myself nearly as much as I should and I sure as hell am not going to settle with the first one who seems like he fits, but in three months I’ll realize he won’t ever fit into my life.
People are raised to find someone, because if you don’t have someone, you’re a failure. And at a point in my life, that was true. I felt so bad when I wasn’t in a relationship. I had to have someone, who would love me. When in reality I was unhappy being in that relationship, because it really wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t ready to be with somebody, because I had so much I still wanted to do and I felt like they would weigh me down (you might want to read that as “I get bored in a relationship way to quickly, so I move from one to another without thinking”).
“55% of marriages end in divorce. 90% of relationships that are started before they are 30 end. If those were the stats for surgery, none of us would fucking risk it. But because it’s love and we’re stupid, we just lie on the operating table like, ‘Maybe this time I won’t die inside.’ My generation has become so obsessed with starting the rest of their lives that they’re willing to give up the one they are currently living. We have romanticized the idea of romance, and it is cancerous.”
When someone speaks of marriage at any given time, I’m the only one who says “I never want to get married, it’s just a piece of paper, I don’t see the point”. The truth is that I’m so full of shit when I say those words. I do want to get married, I want a husband, I want more kids running around in the house. I want the picture perfect life with a man who will love me for me. But it’s not for me yet. I’ll have to grow as a person before I’ll let any man talk me into that “the rest of our life” deal. Right now, I’m opened to a “we don’t live together, you go do your thing and I do my thing, but you’ll be there when I need you and I’ll be there for you” relationship.
Another thing this generation does among settling for less and not loving themselves enough is and I quote: “romanticizing the idea of romance, and it is cancerous.” It really is. Yes, we all want some romance in our life. I’m all for romance (I’m probably the most romantic person you’ll ever have the pleasure of meeting), but you can’t seriously think that a loving relationship is like that until the end. I’d say it’s like that for the first two or three months, but after that the romance goes and you’ll be in a situation where you can’t get out of without hurting yourself or your partner.
So in the end – you have all the time in the world to settle down and marry and have a family. All I’m asking you is to think about the fact that maybe the relationship you’re in right now is not the one you should be in. Are you happy? Really happy? If you are, then I’m glad, because you have found something everyone is looking for. But if there is any doubt in your mind, get out of that relationship as quick as you can. You’ll be doing a favor for yourself and the other person (even if they think you’re crazy for breaking up with them, in a couple of months they’ll thank you).
But I’d like to end this post with a massive thank you to Daniel Sloss (he’ll never probably see it, but it’s out there, maybe he will. If you know him, damn it – show him this) and the way he has put love and relationships into words. He has said the words I could never and now, when anybody ever asks me why I’m single, I’ll have the perfect answer for them. So thank you Daniel. Hope you’ll end up with that right piece that fits your jigsaw perfectly.
I hope we all find the right piece for our jigsaw to make it complete.
All the love, Kriss
PS: all text that’s in bold are the words of Daniel Sloss. I just wish they were mine.
Lilac Lily Love 